My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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