im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
