Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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