awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
