i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
