Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
