chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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