Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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