Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
