I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
