Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
