is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
