Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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