We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
