I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
