Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
