doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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