best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
