i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
