Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
