So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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