You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
