Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
