You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
