I want to walk on stilts...naked
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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