1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
