12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
