i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Alive.
So much puke
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
