I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
