No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
