the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
