In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
where am i from again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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