I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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