I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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