Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
