i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
