I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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