then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
did i walk over a car last night?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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