I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
