U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize