so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
