after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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