babies were throwing up all over the place
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
