If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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