Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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