i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
