He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
