Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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