Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
