dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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