oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize