I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
