True but thats because hes a fetus.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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