Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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