If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
