...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
