My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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