WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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