are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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