Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
