If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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