He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
