I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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