Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
