I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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