just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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