so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
