So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
